How to Heal Your Inner Child for Your Children

As parents and educators, our primary goal is to support and care for the well-being and growth of our children. However, this journey may reach roadblocks that require us to look inward to address our own well-being and unresolved trauma, which affects ourselves and others.

The need to address these adversities from childhood, also known as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), ranging from physical and emotional abuse to neglect and household dysfunction, can leave a lasting impact on our mental and physical health while also influencing how we interact with and support our child (Thriving Schools 2023). This is why it is crucial to embark on our own trauma-healing journey for us to foster the supportive environment our children need. We would need to be genuinely present and effective in our roles as educators and parents, making it essential to engage in healing practices that tend to our inner child. 

ACEs encompass a range of stressful or traumatic events that leave a significant impact on people’s mental health, education, and job opportunities. (Thriving Schools 2023) Although I am not a parent yet, I understand the power trauma has on people if not addressed. I have seen my parents throughout my lifespan continuously work through, and sometimes struggle, in their healing journeys as it is not linear. However, my brother and I are the driving force that fortifies my parents’ healing, as they have witnessed the results of not prioritizing healing themselves, which affected us as children. This preventative work is not easy by any means, but as parents and educators, we hold the key to creating healing-centered environments. Children feed off their surroundings and experiences. Our responsibility is to expose children to healthy, healing-centered environments that will help them develop their inner healing.

Educators, specifically teachers of color, may likely have their own experiences of trauma (Souto-Manning & Emdin, 2023). The economic and cultural support they need to address the psychological, physical, or economic harm experienced may not be met sufficiently, making it essential for these wounds to be nurtured and supported as educators work to address educational disparities in schools (Souto-Manning & Emdin, 2023). 

ACEs are common for Americans (about ⅔ of Americans), which can create risk from enduring these traumatic experiences. Children with three or more ACEs tend to have significantly more attendance issues, behavioral challenges, and academic failure (Thriving Schools, 2023). If parents and educators consciously decide to understand and address these experiences, theirs and ours, we can better help our children reach their full potential. Although traditional trauma care focuses on this and can be helpful to start with, this form of care can still fall short if the contexts of the trauma are not addressed, such as collective and environmental trauma. Healing work must move beyond just reducing symptoms like anxiety, anger, and fear and, instead, aim to foster well-being, hope, happiness, and an aspiration for more than one’s current situation. 

Shifting to healing-centered approaches involves holistic practices, culture, and collective healing (Ginwright, 2020). Taking this approach reframes how trauma is perceived, not just focusing on the causes of one’s trauma but acknowledging what is working well for that individual. People would not be viewed as victims of their circumstances but as people actively addressing the trauma they were exposed to (Ginwright, 2020). 

Often, people tend to suppress their trauma symptoms, and healing work is far from that. Focusing on enhancing your well-being and building on your experiences and knowledge will help foster and sustain your well-being since you are actively addressing the conditions that caused the trauma. Children look at their parents and educators as examples, so showing them the path you are taking toward healing would only encourage them to follow closely behind. 

One way to begin your healing journey is to build empathy with children who experience trauma. Adults can share their stories first to create a line of communication where empathy can be exchanged. Strengthening your emotional literacy will allow you and your children to discuss complex feelings and restore both of your well-being (Ginwright, 2020). This can be done through individual conversations between parents and their children or potentially in a group-controlled setting with educators and children showing signs of ACEs (Thriving Schools, 2023). Afterward, it is important to acknowledge that their trauma does not define them as individuals. Encourage them to dream and be optimistic about their future, and show that there is hope in healing from their ACEs.

For educators, explore programs where you can be trained to approach these conversations productively. Learn to understand that their disruptive behaviors or school difficulties might be symptoms of toxic stress and that they should respond with compassion (Thriving Schools, 2023). Work towards implementing trauma-informed principles at your school to reduce adversity and enhance resilience for both children and adults so parents can support their children’s learning and development as active participants in their education (Thriving Schools, 2023)

By healing their inner child, educators and parents can better support their children, creating environments where both adults and children can thrive. Healing is more than just addressing past trauma; it is also about fostering a holistic sense of well-being and empowerment. The key to this process is to recognize the collective nature of trauma and focus on cultural support, empathy, and systemic change. By taking these steps, we can build a future where all individuals, regardless of their backgrounds, can achieve their full potential.

If you want to learn more about how we partner with schools and organizations to facilitate a family-school healing-centered approach, contact us for a free clarity call here!

Jumpstart this conversation of healing with your child or student by using our free conversation prompts resource, “Developing a healing-centered home & classroom,” which is linked here!

Bibliography

“Adverse Childhood Experiences (Aces).” Thriving Schools | A Partnership for Healthy Students, Staff & Teachers, 12 Dec. 2023, thrivingschools.kaiserpermanente.org/mental-health/aces/ 

Ginwright, Shawn. “The Future of Healing: Shifting from Trauma Informed Care to Healing Centered Engagement.” Medium, Medium, 9 Dec. 2020, ginwright.medium.com/the-future-of-healing-shifting-from-trauma-informed-care-to-healing-centered-engagement-634f557ce69c

Mapp, Karen L, and Paul J Kuttner. “Partners in Education: A Dual Capacity-Building Framework for Family–School Partnerships.” SEDL, 2013, www2.ed.gov/documents/family-community/partners-education.pdf. 

Souto-Manning, M., & Emdin, C. (2023). On the Harm Inflicted by Urban Teacher Education Programs: Learning From the Historical Trauma Experienced by Teachers of Color. Urban Education, 58(6), 1238-1270